For our January calendar, I thought we'd take a look at what Io and Callisto, those two green alien bunnies, are up to... Seems they're celebrating New Year's on Pluto – the little planet that wasn't, where the year isn't really all that new and won't be for another 248 of our Earth years – give or take a decade or two...

Meanwhile, back on our own rocky little world – As the Twenty-Teens hit the skids toward oblivion, we can all Party like it's 1897... Because y'see, that great, insoluble problem of Time Travel has finally been solved! Yes, and Trump did it all by himself – with jus' a little help from the Repubs, of course...

The whole country has been shifted back to the Days When America Was Great – that is, the Golden Age of the Robber Barons – when the Rich were The People, and everyone else was just people – humble underpaid serfs working for the Banks and Businesses run by the Robber Barons and hardscrabble farmers scraping a living from the land, shipping their produce at extortionate rates on the railroads owned by those same Robber Barons... Not to mention desperate immigrants working in the Barons' firetrap sweatshops and dangerous mines and factories...

Yes, the Good Old Days, before snot-nosed Lib'ruls like Teddy Roosevelt came in and messed things up with their Radical Ideas about Equal Rights, Rule of Law and Economic Justice... Now if Trump & Co. can just revive and reinstate a few modest little changes in the national elections, like maybe the Poll Tax, a National Gerrymandering Act and a Racial Purity Test, we'll all be stuck in the Good Old Days forever!

Y'know, Pluto is beginning to look better an' better... I wonder how much a bus ticket costs to get there?? JQ