•April 2015
April is the month, on the first day of which, we spend making fools of one another (more often than not, of ourselves)... And speaking of Fools, or that is, "Boobs", brings us around to this month's calendar... I imagine that many of you watched the recent Hobbit flick, or perhaps the one before... Well this month's calendar pix would seem to be a scene cut from the theatrical version -- If we're lucky, it may be included in the extended version... (One can always hope)... Yes, somewhere in Mirkwood, several Boobs wander aimlessly lost, until they come across a sparkling pool where several... *Ahem* Elfettes seem to be bathing... Credit where it's due Department: Flash J. proposed adding in the "Floaty Log" to the composition - so a Thanx for that... And now, on the unlikely chance that he may ever peruse this, I thought I'd use the opportunity to make: A Modest Proposal:(for Peter Jackson)... Trilogy the Third: Middle Earth may be mucked about a bit, but this doesn't have to be the end -- After all, there is still, Tom Bombadil!! He may have been written out of the Fellowship script, but those chapters of the book are still licensed for filming (or so I presume)... So, why not use those discarded chapters to make a movie about the Hobbit's adventure in the Old Forest? (It could even be neatly done so that the new film could fit into the original movie, between the Ferry and Bree)... For a 2nd movie, perhaps the "The Scouring of the Shire" would do - Could beef up the action a bit, so that the wicked men give the Hobbits more of a fight, (maybe add in a few Orcs or Sebastian the Hedgehog gone Rabid) This would help to show off Merry & Pippin's learned battle skills (or Merry's anyway) Pippin mostly is just baggage through the whole trilogy... There is the bit of a problem, in that - in the movie, Saruman was already killed at Isengard - though only in the Extended cut - for those who only watched the theatrical version, they won't know that... Or Perhaps, like in "Monty Python & the Holy Grail", he "Got Better" - I can see him going around on that spiked wheel: "I'm feeling better now... I really am"... "Blub Blub Blub", The wheel dunks him under - he comes back up, coughs up a fish... "I Really do feel a bit better... Can - can someone get me off of this wheel?" He is a Wizard after all - Living for so long, they probably have a pretty good health plan... But what to do? What to do, for a third movie to make up a trilogy?? Say, what about Alfred the LickSpittle?? (the JarJar Binx of Middle Earth) He's an original character, not in the original book, so he's free and clear of licensing entanglements! Better yet, Suppose it turns out that Alfred is Wormtongue's Dad!! Can't you see it? Alfred an' li'l Wormy sniveling across Middle Earth, selling out their associates, betraying their friends, (if they had any friends) Could be a whole new film franchise! Okay, so you don't like that one... Then, how 'bout an' almost original screenplay, "The Hunt for Golem" Jackson seemed to be setting this up in the "5 Armies" flick - Could find a younger actor to play Strider - plus Elrond & Tauriel could return for another go 'round of elfin hijinx...
One matter that Vexes my mind (what little I have left) With Gandalf leaving to have a chat with Bombadil in the opening pages of "Scouring" perhaps Bombadil could tie the whole third trilogy thing together - just, I ponder, What would he have to do in a "Hunt for Golem" movie? Wait! Perhaps it turns out that Bombadil is Golem's great great great Uncle or somesuch and that while everyone's been searching for him, he's been slacking off at Tom's house, sleeping on the sofa and creeping out the Barrow Wights with all his snively whining... "Hobbitses, sneaky thieving Hobbitses! You Wights think you had troubles with Hobbitses, let me tell you what they did to me - Cheated on the game they did - stole my Precious they did - that nasty tricksie Hobbitses!!" This goes on and on - until the Barrow Wights flee howling into the night to cower back in their crypts... Yes, consider it Mr. Jackson: The Trilogy the Turd -- er, THIRD... Featuring Bombadil the most badass whatzit in all Middle Earth! They wrote him out of the script but now he's back and he's Baaaaad!!! I thank you for your time and consideration... JQ = • |
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