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April 2010
Uncle Raunchy's Tales and Tails:
Brier Vixen an' de Chonklit Bunny
©2010 Walt & Josh...
(we share the Blame)
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Now den, Miz Emily, Honey Chile-- 'Long 'bout one day, Li'l Miz Kelly Cottontail, she wuz a-hop, hop, hoppin' down de bunny trail, when all over suddent she seed, a-comin' up de hill, none other den dat kinky ol' Brier Vixen... She was a jes' a-sashayin' along, whistlin' an' swingin' her tail, an' holdin' two tickets to de big ol' barn dance an' marshmaller roast!
When Li'l Miz Cottontail seed dem tickets, her eyes went all big an' round... She purely did wisht for someone to in-vite her to de dance-- But Brier Vixen was mos' like on her way over de hill an' down de holler to see Miz Muzzy Coon or maybe Miz Magnolia Possum... Now don't dat jus' beat all?
But what-all wuz Miz Cottontail gwine do 'bout it? Den she suddent rec'lects Uncle Raunchy's story 'bout de Tar Baby, what dun trapped Brier Fox somethin' fierce... But Miz Cottontail don't got no tar, nohow! So quick lak a bunny, she hops on over to Almost-Honest Abner's Emporium, an' grabs up de mos' tarry stuff what she seed, which wuz a armful o' Chonklit Sy-rup in cans, an' pays fer it on credit, which means she hopped in an' out 'fore ol' Abner could ketch her!
Den Miz Cottontail run off troo de bushes, goin' liperty-lip, so's to git ahaid o' dat ol' Brier Vixen! When she gits back to de path, 'tother side ob de hill, an' down by de Swamp, Miz Kelly quick-lak shucked outen all her close, ever' stitch - Which wan't nothin' but a wore-out old pair o' overhauls, what had one o' the galluses busted, so's it drooped down so's yo' could see her shapely...
(WHAP!) (OW! Don' hit me agin, Miz Emily! Ah'll be good!)
Ennyhow... Miz Cottontail quick-lak pour dat chonklit sy-rup all over her, so's ever inch ob her bare bunny bod is kivvered wif' dat brown sticky goo, den she perches demure-lak on a holler log, jes' a- waitin' fer Briar Vixen to git thar. Byemby Brier Vixen come strollin' by, a-switchin her fluffy tail, an' hitchin' up de raggy ol' hickry shirt which is de onliest thing she wears, an' which is all tore up by de briers she lives in, so's you kin see her----
(WHAP!) (OW! I'se sorry, Miz Emily! Ah won't do it no more!)
When she seed Miz Cottontail a-sittin' dere, all brown an' shiny, Brier Vixen stops a-whistlin' an' a-strollin', an' she say: "Howdy, Miz Cottontail! You dun take a baff in de coffee pot?"
Miz Cottontail don't say nuffin, an' she don't move a mite.
Brier Vixen, a mite peevish, say: "Ah says, howdy, Miz Cottontail! Why-for yo' all brown an' shiny?"
But Miz Cottontail, she still don' say nuffin!
Brier Vixen commenct to git riled up, an' she yell, "By Nab, you got no call to put on de dawg wif' me! Yo' speaks up, or by Cracks, Ah MAKES yo' tawk!"
Miz Cottontail keepin' on a-settin' still as de Tar Baby, but commenst to feel a mite oneasy 'bout what Brier Vixen wuz a-fixin' to do. Den dat ol' Brier Vixen, she flang her arrums 'round Miz Cottontail's neck, and she mashes a big ol' kiss right on her mouf!
Miz Cottontail is some 'stonished, an' she commenst to wonder if'n she 'membered de story wrong, but she still don't say nuffin, on account dat ol' Brier Vixen done got her tongue down her throat! Evench'ly Miz Cottontail commenst to ree-lize thet Brier Vixen don't seem ta be stuck up in de Chonklit Sy-rup atall, but neither do she seem to be in enny kind o' hurry to git away! They is all goon up togedder in dat sweet sloppy goo, an' Miz Cottontail don't hardly have no bref left to speak nohow, when dat ol' Brier Vixen pick her up an' kerry her over to a big ol' haystack, where she flops her down an' perceeds to...
(WHAP!) (OW! I'se sorry, Miz Emily! I'se gonna end de story now!)
Well, Honey Chile... Li'l Miz Cottontail don't never git to de barn dance dat night-- But she do done git all dat Chonklit Sy-rup licked offen her-- an'...
(WHAP! WHAP! WHAP!!!)
An' de nex' mornin' Miz cottontail an' Brier vixen was all tangled up an'...
(WHAP! WHAP! WHAP!!!)
Ow! Ow! Ah's a goin' now!
(WHAP!!!)
And um... That's how de tale ends Chill'un...
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Story Note:
Well here we are at April - which brings to mind thoughts of Easter Bunnies - or um, Chocolate Bunnies -- and that also recalled to mind a pix that I'd sketched out some time ago... Back around 1987 in fact... (To avoid confusion, I should point out that I'm NOT speaking of the photo-Pix of Miz Emily, and her Uncle Raunchy - rather I'm referring to the Calendar Pix...
Now where was I?? Oh yeah, I was mentioning that the Calendar Sketch was initially inked by Paul Young - and I don't recall now if it was ever printed anywhere... Click Here for the Original Pix with Paul's Inks... Anyway, I had a scan of the inks, but not one of my pencils - so I digitally reworked and cleaned up that old scan - till there's not much left of the first inked version in the final... Then after coloring and adding in a background and such - here you have her (or them) an illustration harkening back to that beloved old folk tale of Easter foibles:
"Brier Vixen an' de Chocolate Bunny"
And should it be, that you can't quite recall to mind, exactly how that story goes - well, scan back to the top of this page, an' Beloved ol' Uncle Raunchy (aka Walt) will retell it for you...
Uh huh... Yup
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